On Seven Years Of Continuous Sobriety
It’s been fun sharing my sober birthday thoughts with you this month. If you have any interest in exploring your relationship with alcohol you can use this free e-journal to help you answer some questions on why or how your relationship with alcohol formed.
Many years ago I was having coffee with a friend. He was approaching seven years of sobriety and I was congratulating him on such a huge accomplishment. I was still only a few years into my own path of sobriety and the fact that I didn’t drink still took up a lot of time and space. I was eagerly waiting for my friend to pass along another nugget of miracles that occur at seven years of badassary but instead he said “I just don’t really care that much about sobriety anymore.”
“What do you mean you don’t care much?!??!?!” I responded with nervousness and slight rage.
“It’s just not the only important thing about me anymore. There’s other stuff that’s more important now.” he responded
“What could be more important??!?” I asked
My friend went on to say that he knows now that he will never drink again. He’s not at all tempted, he’s done all of his work, and he just doesn’t think about it all the time like he used to. He said he cared more about his career, relationships, and other stuff. I sat and listened while sipping my coffee and thinking in my head that no amount time could take me away from the importance of my sobriety.
Looking back, I realize that I was on a bit of a sobriety bender at the time. I’d just written a book about it, I would soon do a TEDx talk, and would continue to speak and write at everyone who would listen about how, if you want any chance at a healthy life, you must stop drinking! I thought I would feel that way forever.
As I sit here now, at seven years of sobriety, I feel different. I’m not completely over sobriety. In fact, at least once a day I find gratitude in the fact that I’m not hungover, that my chances of getting cancer have significantly decreased, that I’m not worried about when I’m gonna drink again, and that I no longer have that huge amount of shame weighing me down. I still get teary eyed when I talk about being a sober parent and when I think about how choosing to no longer drink has led to 100 other positive outcomes for me.
But, I’m not on edge anymore. I’m not trying to prove that I’m still cool even though I don’t drink (I’m not cool and everyone knows I’m not). I’m not trying to get people who want to drink to get curious about their drinking habits. I’m not their doctor or specialist or anyone important at all really. I no longer care how people feel about my sobriety. I don’t feel the urge to explain why I didn’t go to AA or why blacking out after a few too many is, in fact, a GREAT reason to quit drinking (even though society wants a more horrific rock bottom story).
I’m a little softer about the subject, still protective of my sobriety, but not as “in your face” about it all. Like my friend was trying to explain, I have other things that are important to me. My writing (currently working on my next book that has nothing to do with alcohol), parenting two tweens, practicing meditation to find inner peace, hiking, and planning our next vacation. Just boring normal life stuff. The stuff that only someone who used to “live to drink” can now find magical.
I’m never drinking again. Just like I won’t eat rocks or accidentally bite into someone’s arm. That’s how far away I am from any kind of desire or urge. My brain has healed through a ton of therapy, my daily practices, and a complete ethics and values makeover! So I don’t need to continue to PROVE to everyone (or even myself) that I won’t drink again. I now have an inner knowing and peace about myself that doesn’t involve desperation.
I’ll still write about sobriety and share with anyone who wants to know more, explore, or just talk. I’m still a sober friend and hopefully a glimmer of hope for someone googling in the night about whether or not their drinking is “bad enough” to explore a better way (btw-the answer to that is yes). I’m still an advocate and hope to continue to speak on podcasts, teach teens my course called Influenced, and be invited to share my story so that others don’t have to wait to hit rock bottom before they make a change.
At seven years sober, all the things I used to pray would come true, have all come true. I am happy without alcohol. I live a fulfilling life without alcohol. I have friends (tons of them) without alcohol. I love live music without alcohol. I am social without alcohol. I am less anxious without alcohol. My nervous system is regulated. I’ve written a book, changed careers, shared my story, helped other women, redefined my core values, learned about other things holding me back, and so much more. By removing alcohol from my life I gave myself a true shot at reaching for what was really important to me.
It’s just at seven years sober I’m doing all of this from a place of complete and utter peace. A place of knowing that I will be okay, that you will be okay, that we will all be okay. A place where sobriety is not the most interesting thing about me anymore. A place where those important things I hoped one day I’d get around to-now have the space and room to grow.
If you’re just starting out I know the feeling of urgency, the hope that someday you will just stop thinking about alcohol altogether, that the past will be behind you and you have forgiven yourself, learned about yourself, and changed your behaviors for the better. It’s coming. Slowly, but it will be just as satisfying nevertheless. Keep going. -Samantha
Congrats on 7 years!
YES TO THIS! And CONGRATS to you on seven years! You removing alcohol from your life benefited (and continues to benefit) you in so many ways, and it benefits the rest of us in one big way: we get to experience the real, true, authentic Samantha. And she is a gift.